Delayed Deliveries Are Not a Crisis

by Walter Brasch

      It’s been about two weeks since the news media began smothering the nation with stories about UPS and FedEx delivering packages late during the holiday season.

      A short shopping season of less than 30 days between Thanksgiving and Christmas, combined with extraordinary numbers of deliveries and extreme weather problems caused thousands of packages not to be delivered by Christmas. For some media, this was the top story.

      FedEx says it delivered more than 275 million packages in that one month period. UPS doesn’t say how many it delivered or how many were late. But it does say that if customers sent their packages by ground and hoped they would arrive by Christmas, the cut-off date was December 11. For air service, UPS temporarily added 29 planes to its fleet.

      Understandably, there are several hundred thousand senders and receivers who are unhappy their packages were not delivered by Christmas. However, people got their gifts, even if a day or two late. 

A Television Snow Job

  by Walter Brasch

     With more than a foot of snow, sleet, and ice falling over much of the nation, the television news teams went into overdrive. This may be an accurate description of one of those minute-by-minute broadcasts.

     “I’m Harry Hansom. Co-anchor Polly Prattle just called. Her car slid into a ditch about eight miles from the studio. Fortunately, she had her roller-blades, and is skating furiously to get here so she doesn’t lose a day’s pay. We begin our Team Weather Coverage with chief meteorologist Hugh Miditty.”

     “Based upon detailed computer analysis and extensive satellite monitoring, available only through our exclusive Poplar Eye-Witless Weather Watch System, we can report that the high temperature this day was set way back in 2008. It was 50 degrees then. Wow! That’s real high. The low was set in 1994 when the temperatures plummeted to a minus 8. But with any luck, we’ll be able to break that low point today our tomorrow. The cause of this record-breaker is an upper level atmospheric low-pressure system that formed just east of Phoenix, traveled north to I-80, then cruised east where it hit dead-center with another low-pressure system coming north from Spring training in Florida. Or, maybe it began in New Jersey, and then ran a doughnut of isobars around Pennsylvania. As you know, a lot of bad things begin in Jersey. It’s also possible it began in Canada, because all bad weather begins in Canada. Anyhow, before the storm leaves our area to drop two feet of hail on Bermuda, we’ll have anywhere from five inches to three feet of snow and sleet. Or, maybe, we’ll just have a foot or so of acid rain that’ll burn the paint off every car in a hundred mile radius.”

Depth Takes a Holiday in Mass Media

 by Walter Brasch

      The mass media have a fixation upon throwing up lists.

      Sports editors run innumerable lists of the “Top 10” high school and college teams.

      Arts and entertainment editors run lists of the top books, movies, songs, and even video games.

      Financial and business editors tell us who they believe are the “most important” moguls, and rank each on a scale that has no meaning to anyone, especially the moguls themselves.

      Fashion editors love making lists of “best dressed” and “worst dressed” celebrities.

      News editors love making end-of-the-year lists of the “Top 10 Headlines.” Like the other editors, they don’t tell us why their pick of the top news story was more important than the No. 2 story—or why the No. 10 story was any more important than the thousands that did not make the list.

      TV Guide also loves lists. This month, it threw out a list of what some of their editors irrationally believe are the “60 Greatest Shows on Earth,” complete with a sentence describing each show. And, like most lists, it’s little more than annoying static.

America’s Political Twerks

by Walter Brasch

     When Muhammad Ali proclaimed, “I am the greatest,” we knew—and he knew—it would psyche out his opponents, get media attention, and receive a bigger box office. But, in the sport of boxing, Ali probably was the greatest.

    When Howard Stern proclaims himself to be the “King of all Media,” he knows—and we know—it’s simply a case of hyperbolic promotion, something some celebrities do to get even more promotion.

    But when rapper Kanye West proclaims he’ll be the next Nelson Mandela, and that by the time he’s 95, he’ll be a bigger hero than Mandela ever was, we know it’s a case of arrested development.

    On a radio show in Chicago during memorial services for Mandela, West declared he was worshipped around the world, that he liberates minds with music, which he declared is more important than liberating a few people from apartheid.

OB/GYNS Stir Up Sexual Distinction Trouble

by Walter Brasch

        It took a lot of outrage by scientists, physicians, and the public, but a gynecologist in Boston will not lose her board certification.

      The American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology had planned to remove Dr. Elizabeth Stier as board-certified.

      Now, you may think that Dr. Stier has a string of malpractice suits after her name. Or that she didn’t pass critical examinations for her specialty. Or that, maybe, she just didn’t take required courses to keep her certification.

      Actually, Dr. Stier is an extremely competent physician. She’s also an associate professor at the Boston University School of Medicine. Her problem is that in the course of some of her ground-breaking research about anal cancer, she treated men.
      That’s right. The American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology had said that to get its stamp of approval, its members must treat only women. It magnanimously allowed a few rare exceptions—emergency care, family planning, fertility testing for man and woman couples, and the treatment of a sexually-transmitted disease, but only if the male was a partner of a female patient already being treated by the gynecologist.

The 10 Percent Solution to Expensive Weddings

by Walter Brasch

    There are a number of great mysteries in life.

    Where does the Abominable Snowman live?

    Where was the Garden of Eden?
    Do any of the Kardashian cabal have any discernible skills?

    Kim Kardashian is engaged. Again. This time it’s to rapper Kanye West. They plan to spend $5 million for a Mediterranean honeymoon. There’s no guess of how much the wedding will cost. But, it’s bound to cost far more than the $10 million for Kardashian’s previous wedding and 73 day marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries.

    That wedding included $2 million just for flowers and $20,000 for a cake.

    It also included $50,000 for a facelift for matriarch Kris Jenner because—well—when you look like Kris Jenner you should have a facelift for a wedding.

    Now, if we were absolutely honest, most of us would say we wouldn’t mind living like a Kardashian, surrounded by money and gifts of all kinds. Being famous for having been on TV reality shows appeals to the lowest part of our cerebral cortex.

    Many of us try to get close. Here’s one way.

We Gather Together to Ask . . .

by Rosemary and Walter Brasch

            Segued into a 10-second afterthought, smothered by 60-second Christmas commercials, is the media acknowledgement of Thanksgiving, which nudges us into a realization of all we are thankful for.

            But the usual litany, even with the omnipresent pictures of the less fortunate being fed by the more fortunate, doesn’t list well this year. Our thanks seem to be at best half-hearted or at least insensitive and shallow. 

All of us might be thankful for peace if America still hadn’t been involved in two recent wars. The Iraq war lasted almost nine years; the other, in Afghanistan, has lasted more than 12 years and is the nation’s longest war. And now it appears that we will be in Afghanistan for several more years.  

When we first went there in 2001, it was to capture Osama bin Laden. We can be thankful that has been done. But why are we still there? And why should Americans still be getting wounded and killed? There were 4,486 killed and 32,000 wounded in Iraq, an unnecessary war that was launched with bravado and no long-range plans.  In Afghanistan, there have been 2,292 killed, almost 18,000 wounded.

New Jersey is Fracked

by Walter Brasch

    At the time New Jersey established a ban on fracking, it seemed symbolic, much like the moratorium in Vermont, which has no economically recoverable natural gas; the Marcellus Shale, primarily in New York and Pennsylvania, doesn’t extend into New Jersey. New York has a moratorium on fracking until a health impact statement is completed. Pennsylvania. rushing to compete with groundhogs in digging up the state, has no such moratorium. Nor does the state have any plans to conduct extensive research into the health effects of fracking—Gov. Tom Corbett, the gas industry’s cheerleader, cut $2 million from the Department of Health to provide for a public health analysis.

    As it is, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie exercised his authority and partially vetoed his state’s moratorium to reduce it to a one-year ban. That moratorium expired in January.

    During this past year, more evidence became public. Beneath New Jersey and extending into southeastern Pennsylvania lies the Newark Basin.

Let’s Phrase This Another Way

by Walter Brasch

      O.K., all you loyal readers, I’d appreciate it if you would “Put your hands together” for today’s commentary. I want you to “give it up” for me. But, most of all, I want you to “show me some love.”

      If you’d like to stand and applaud enthusiastically, that’d be waaaay cool.

      At one time, TV audiences saw a flashing light that had the word, “applause.” That’s all that was needed, just in case no one wanted to cheer an oncoming actor or TV guest.

      Now we have the host telling us in so many ways that we have to—well—put our hands together and give it up while showing some love.  

      I have no idea how those phrases became a part of the American language, but they are there. And they are annoying.

Pennsylvanians Support Pigeon Shoot Ban

by Walter Brasch

    Three-fourths of all Pennsylvanians want to see an end to live pigeon shoots.

    A statewide survey by the Mason-Dixon Polling and Research Company reveals not only do 75 percent of Pennsylvanians want to see legislation to ban live pigeon shoots but only 16 percent of Pennsylvanians oppose such a ban.

    Here’s another figure from that independent survey. Eighty-three percent—that’s more than four of every five Pennsylvanians—say live pigeon shoots are an unnecessary form of animal cruelty.

    Here’s why.

    Organizers of this blood sport place the birds into cages, and place people with shotguns only about 20 yards away. The spring-loaded cages open, and the pretend hunters open fire. The pigeons, many of them stunned, often having been nearly starved, are then blown apart.