by Walter Brasch
The right-wing
part of the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, with John Boehner
in the role of spineless lackey rather than courageous Speaker, has shut down much
of the federal government.
Eighty
Republicans had signed a letter expressing their intent to shut down the
government. It was a political act of defiance against government by people who
themselves were government. The millionaire representatives have grabbed the
media, which they publicly say they hate—except for one TV network and a few
loud-mouth blowhards on radio—to proclaim their demands.
They
demand the Affordable Care Act (ACA), also known as Obamacare, be defunded. To
these ultra-conservatives, the most important health care insurance protection
in the nation’s history is a socialist trap, just like Social Security,
Medicare, and VA benefits. The Republicans tried more than 40 times to abolish
Obamacare; more than 40 times they failed. The law was passed by both houses of
Congress, signed by the President (who was re-elected by a majority of the
people who fully knew where he stood on the ACA), found to be constitutional by
a conservative-leaning Supreme Court, and has the support of a majority of the
American people.
And so
they develop slogans, and have plastered the media with the words “negotiate”
and “fairness.” It is the President’s responsibility, they declare, to
negotiate and to be fair.
Apparently,
political gesturing plays well in their newly-gerrymandered districts.
What
doesn’t play well is the crass overt politics. In numerous polls, more than
half of Americans place the blame for the shut-down not on the Democrats or
President Obama, but to the Republican minority that has regressed to their
lives as two-year-olds when they could scream, cry, kick, and hope to get their
way.
But, the
minority of the Republicans do have one point when they say government (but not
the Defense Department) is too big and too unwieldy—although what they don’t
say is that President Obama has already significantly trimmed the federal
government to make it much more efficient at representing the people’s needs
and concerns.
We now
take you back to 1975, when government began trimming itself.
In 1975,
Congress had created a Federal Paperwork Commission which recommended a
cabinet-level Department of Administration, “to promote more efficient,
effective and responsive administration of the federal government.” These
transcripts may, or may not, have been recordings of the newly-formed
department almost four decades ago.
Deep in an
obscure federal building is Wilson P. Throckmorton, the first secretary of the
Department of Administration. With him are his two key assistants, career
administrators Samuel J. Stonewall and Waldo P. Rockbottom.
“Excuse me, sir,” says Stonewall, “but I
notice that you have only the American flag behind your desk. You also need a
cabinet flag.”
“Alright,
make it blue with the Department’s gold seal in the middle.”
“Before
you can get the flag, you have to fill out form DA-504 in quintuplicate.
According to regulation 42, as explained in executive memo 11-07, as amended by
executive memo 15-11 section 4, subsection b, all requests for executive-level
flags must be approved by the Department of Administration. I don’t see any
problem, though. I’m sure that the Department of Administration will give its
approval.”
“But we are the Department of Administration.”
“No, sir,
you don’t understand,” said Rockbottom. “We have a Department of Administration
in the Department of Administration.
It’s to handle all the paperwork. It’s really very efficient, effective, and
responsive.”
“Well, if
you say so. Now, Stonewall, what form do I fill out?”
“DA-504,
sir. It’s to request Form DA-505B which is what you need to request a flag.
Unless, of course, the request is for items of value more than $24.95, in which
case you’ll need form DADA 554-332B. Or, unless you aren’t willing to wait more
than a year. Then, you need to requisition Form OBDADA 442.11. That’s the
emergency authorization form that allows you to request DADA 554-332E that’ll
allow speedier action within the Office of Budget of the Department of
Administration of the Department of Administration.”
“So, all I
have to do is fill out this stack of forms and I’ll get my flag.”
“I’m
sorry, sir. It’s not quite that simple. We also have to requisition the
director of the Office of Graphic Arts, his senior artist--make sure you fill
out a DA36C‑-the chief of the Office of Public Information, and a senior-level
clerk to handle the notes of the meetings.”
“And what
form do I use to request all of them?” asked the harassed secretary.
“It’s right
here,” said Rockbottom, producing a handful of forms. “Forms DA-675.3 and
DA-675.4, as amended. Fill them out in triplicate and the Office of Budget will
probably approve your request and forward it.
“Then, will I get my flag?”
“Not
quite, sir,” said Rockbottom, “you’ll get the authorization to request the
personnel.”
“But I
just want a simple blue flag with--”
“Sir?”
asked Stonewall.
“What is it, Stonewall?” demanded
Throckmorton.
“All I
want is a blue background!” Throckmorton cried out. “A simple blue background!”
“I’m truly
sorry, sir, but regulations require a person of Smeltgrass’s expertise to
determine what shade of blue.”
“O.K., so
give me Form 763.69.”
“I’m
terribly sorry, but first you need to fill out form DADA-1106 which requests
Form DA-763 to request Smeltgrass.”
Two weeks
later, Throckmorton, assisted by Stonewall, Rockbottom, two stenographers and
four clerk-typists, finished filling out the appropriate forms.
“Sir,”
asked Stonewall, “did you also want a stand for your flag?”
[Dr. Brasch never ever wanted to be any kind of an administrator or supervisor in his
40 years as a journalist and college professor; fortunately, no one wanted him
to be one, either. His latest book is Fracking
Pennsylvania.]
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